Addicted to the Xbox: The Reason behind the Obsession with Video Games

By Aaron Shaw

So your teen is obsessed with video games. The good news is that your son or daughter is not simply fascinated by setting things on fire, racing at unsafe speeds, or shooting people. In fact, most kids that are addicted to games are not budding sociopaths. By working with adolescents who are struggling with excessive videogame use, experts have determined that, in most cases, these are normal kids who are merely attempting to cope with their anxieties in the best way they know how.

Meeting basic needs

When talking about addictions, it helps the client to understand a couple of basic assumptions. The first assumption is, people do everything they do for a reason. In fact, it can be said that everything we do is actually an effort to meet one of the five basic human needs (William Glasser, 2002) – needs that can be met by either positive or negative means:

Love and Belonging – The need to feel accepted and loved by others. This need could be met by kissing another person, but it might also be met by taking a hit of joint because your friends will accept you if you do.
Power – The need to feel successful and competent. This need could be met by climbing a mountain, or getting in a fight at school.
Survival – The need to stay alive. This need could be met by eating at a steak, or by sleeping too much in an attempt to survive depression.
Fun - The need to have a good time, smile, and laugh. This need could be met by playing the guitar, or throwing rocks through windows.
Freedom – The need to be able to make your own decisions. This need could be met by eating what you want for lunch, or by running away from home.

All of us have varying levels of these needs. Given a person's own DNA and history, he may have a huge need for power and very little need for fun. This does not make him a bad person – it simply makes him who he is. Problems do not usually arise unless we start trying to find ways to get these needs met at any cost.

Most teens who are struggling with video game addictions are going to swear that the games are a healthier addiction than drugs. They can make a pretty good case, too. Video games are a more culturally accepted addiction than drugs, alcohol, gambling, or setting fires. Also, video games will not hurt your lungs or liver. Because of these factors, though, videogames can often be a bit trickier to give up than some of the more physically dangerous addictions.

Looking deeper

But the real question is not, "Which addiction is the healthier addiction?" The real question is, "Why is someone addicted at all?" The answer lies in the five human needs. Sure, most teens addicted to video games will initially say they are getting their need for fun or freedom met by playing the games. Some will even admit that they are getting their power needs met from the games. These are probably true surface-layer explanations. A deeper examination is usually necessary.

In general, the need that most people have the hardest time meeting is the need for love and belonging (Glasser, 2002). What is interesting is how not getting this need met affects teens. Most of the time, teens who feel like they are not getting this need met at home will do one of two things:

First, they will attempt get that need met somewhere else, either through a serious girlfriend/boyfriend, or through friends.
The second – and often more alarming – method that teens use to cope with the feeling of not getting their need for love met is that they begin to disown any need for love and belonging, and instead seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Teens usually undertake this second method in order to cover up the anxiety and the pain that comes from feeling unloved. Some teens will turn to very fun and freeing sports. Others will turn to the powerful feeling of doing well in school. On the negative side, some student will turn to "fun and freeing" drugs, or video games. The sad truth is that if they never learn to find healthy ways to get their need for love and belonging met, they will always turn to these other outlets.

In the end, video game addiction does not necessarily indicate that Mom and Dad have done something tragically wrong to make their teen feel unloved. It is often the case that even though the parents are doing the best they can to show this love, for some reason, the teen is missing the message. Thus begins the work of helping the teen and the parents reestablish more intimate connections. These intimate connections are then re-formed by everyone involved learning to express their needs and find healthier ways to get those needs met.

As a parent, if you sense that your child is playing video games in an attempt to escape from feelings and reality, now is the time to start a real dialogue. Your child may be angry at first (no one likes to be challenged on an addition), but when your child starts using negative methods to meet basic needs, proper intervention is critical.